3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
