I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
