she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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