I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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