no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
