my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
