Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
