At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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