i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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