PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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