You're so nebulous sometimes
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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