dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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