I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
