why didn't you poke me back
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
