PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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