its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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