Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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