Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
