So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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