i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
please come you make the beer taste better
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
