The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
