For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
