I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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