so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
