Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
