ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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