While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
