if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
