My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
