im drinking this country out of the recession.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
