Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
