Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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