If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
