you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
