A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
