I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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