I hope mine doesn't look like that
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
