I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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