Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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