i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
