dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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