Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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