guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
