someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Randomize
