I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
