so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
