do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
