Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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