Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
