i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
