My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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