God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
